"Mental illness is just all in your head." "Why can't you just snap out of it?" "You're overreacting." "If you just think positive thoughts, everything will get better." "You're creating your mental illness by dwelling on the negative things in your life."
These are just some of my favorites. My favorites to put in their place and prove wrong, that is. Mental illness has been a part of my life for nearly half of it. I don't really remember much of my life before it. Through the years, I have heard just about any comment you can think of that has to do with blaming me for my mental illness. You name it, I've probably heard it. I'm not shy about my mental illness. I do not shy away from admitting that I have it. Unfortunately, people also don't shy away from trying to convince me that I'm the problem.
See, mental illness is a chemical imbalance. There are those who beg to differ, because there is no actual cause to mental disorders. Some are born with them; others develop them due to a crisis, a traumatic experience, or specific life experience. Things like poverty, rape, molestation, abuse, war, etc., can all be contributing factors. I believe there can be many different contributing factors as to why some people have mental illness.
Let's talk science here for a minute.
Our brains produce several chemicals which are responsible for our moods. The most common associated with mental illness, are serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, all of which are also known as neurotransmitters. Serotonin is most commonly known as the chemical that gives you gratification and makes you feel important or significant. The feelings of happiness and optimism come from the production of your serotonin. Depression is present when serotonin is absent. Lack of serotonin is also known to cause sleep disorders, loss of appetite, lack of energy or alertness. As mental illness begins to occur, your mind speed increases, therefore using more serotonin faster than it can produce for itself, and overtime, causes the negative thoughts. This explains why most people with depression feel as if the world would be better off without them because they are a burden or a failure. Dopamine handles what some refer to your motivation levels. It motivates you to take action toward the goals you have set for yourself. It also gives you a reinforcing gratification when you achieve any of those goals. Procrastination, lack of energy and enthusiasm, and self-doubt are shown to be linked with low levels of dopamine. It can cause significant fatigue, drowsiness, slowed thinking and reaction time. Oxytocin is known as the 'love drug.' It plays a role in the bonding of mother and child, as well as lovers. However, new findings show that it can also control certain social behaviors. This means that it may be used to treat social anxiety, PTSD, and speech and language disorders, such as autism, once approved. Oxytocin is what gives individuals the trusting trait, as well as their friendliness and social levels, which are typically traits those with mental illness lack. Endorphins are most commonly associated with exercise and sex. However, they interact mainly with receptors in cells found in regions of the brain that are responsible for blocking pain and controlling emotion. Those with mental illness typically cannot block pain as well as others, and they typically lose control of their emotions.
Now, some people can read all of that and still say they do not believe mental illness has anything to do with science. For those of you that are visual, let's take a look at a few images taken from brain scans of those that are mentally ill, and those that are not.
Depression can cause lack of brain function. You are looking at the electrical circuits in two different brains. The depressed brain shows abnormalities in its activity. More information on how depression effects the brain can be found here: http://www.healthline.com/health/depression/effects-brain#3
There are several regions in the brain that play a role in what are called vivid flashbacks, something common in those with PTSD. They impact the stress response mechanism, so that even long after the traumatic event has taken place, the individual continues to perceive and respond to stress differently than those who do not suffer from PTSD. More information on how PTSD effects the brain can be found here: http://brainblogger.com/2015/01/24/how-does-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-change-the-brain/
You are basically looking at the difference between high stress levels, and normal stress levels (if those even exist). Anxiety prepares you for potential threats and potentially threatening situations. A brain with anxiety typically never turns off its 'fight or flight mode.' More information on how anxiety effects the brain can be found here: http://lifehacker.com/what-anxiety-actually-does-to-you-and-what-you-can-do-a-1468128356
These are only 3 of many mental health brain scans available for viewing. Autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder, etc, all have examples that can be viewed. I chose these three images only because these are the three most dominant mental illnesses that consume me on a daily basis.
There are some people in this world that have mental illness, and do not believe it is a chemical imbalance. I do not invalidate that, because we are all allowed to have our own opinions. This is all based on my own personal opinion. I believe mental illness can be caused as a result of your spirituality (if you are spiritual; also varying on which religion you identify with), your brain activity and chemicals (aka science), and your physical activity.
I have come to realize that the science side of my mental illness is likely the most dominating cause as to why it is all still occurring. Now, coming to terms with this has been extremely difficult. I have accepted the fact that I have mental illness. I have accepted the fact that I've gone through traumatic experiences. I have accepted the fact that I'm going to have days that I just want to die. But the most difficult thing out of all of this?
I do not have a normal functioning brain. My brain does not function in the way that it was designed to. It does not function correctly. It does not do its job.
There are nights that I cry myself to sleep just thinking about this. If I had it my way, my mental illness would be gone in a matter of milliseconds. I just want it all to go away. That's always my answer these days when someone asks me if I'm okay. I just want it all to go away, to disappear, to no longer have its grip on me. But unfortunately, it isn't that easy for someone whose mental illness partly comes from a chemical imbalance. Because my brain does not produce the chemicals it should, or because it produces too much of some depending on the situation, it can't just disappear. It is something that involves treatment and patience in order to slowly heal it. I can think positive all I want, I can tell myself to snap out of it all I want, but my chemical imbalance will still be there.
I can't count how many times I have dealt with people making digs at my mental illness; telling me that I should just get over it, or get over what has happened to me. These are all people that are not educated doctors. Therefore, they do not get a say in whether or not my mental illness is a choice. I'd like to set one thing straight.
I did not choose my mental illness. I did not choose the darkness. I did not choose to feel sad on a daily basis wishing life could be different, wishing I could be different. I did not choose my traumatic experiences. I did not choose to have to deal with traumatic flashbacks. I did not choose to live in fight or flight mode on a daily basis. I did not choose to starve myself one minute, and binge the next. I did not choose any of this. Nor will I ever. I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Every single day is a living hell and in no way do I want to live like this, if I had it my way.
You do not get to tell me that I chose this. You do not get to tell me that I wished this or thought this upon myself.
My mental illness does not come from the fact that I think too many negative thoughts. My mental illness does not come from my triggers and allowing myself to be consumed by them. My mental illness does not come from a choice that I made to want to be sick. I did not choose this sickness. My brain no longer works in the way that it used to. It no longer functions in the way that it used to. I literally lack brain activity and major neurotransmitters designed to regulate that activity. But I am so incredibly thankful that there are people in this world that are educated to help me, and medications designed to help regulate my chemicals and brain activity.
Mental illness that has been diagnosed is not a choice. It never has been, and it never will be. My mental illness that has been diagnosed is not a choice. It never has been, and it never will be. If you know someone that has been diagnosed with mental illness, please do not ever shame them for it. Please do not ever tell them that they brought this upon themselves. Please don't ever tell them that they made a choice and chose to be sick.
If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text START to 741-741
