Within recent months, there has been this passive-aggressive joke that has been circulating the internet about being neurotypical.
It, to me, is quite funny because I myself am not neurotypical, and this is the perfect response to things that some people say that just seem to grind my gears. Nearly on a daily basis, I see some kind of post circulating the internet that is meant to be inspirational or motivating; except it's almost always about training your thoughts, or retraining your thoughts. My favorite, that I saw just the other day, was "Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts."
Tell that to my depression. Tell that to my neurotransmitters that don't fire properly.
As much as this picture is meant to be a joke in response to things like that, this is actually a very serious subject that needs to be talked about, because believe it or not, this is a response to a large amount of stigma surrounding mental illness.
Neurotypical is directly defined as not displaying atypical thoughts or behaviors; characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior. It is most commonly associated with autism. However, it is also used widely amongst the remainder of the mental health community for those suffering from other mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc.
Having mental illness means that my patterns of thoughts or behaviors aren't always normal, whether I'm able to recognize that or not. I, as a mental health patient, must know that whether or not I can recognize my abnormal behaviors and thoughts, they exist and because of that, I am not neurotypical like the rest of the average population.
On days like today, I would give anything to be neurotypical. I would give anything to have a brain that functions the way that it was designed to. I would give anything to have neurotransmitters that fire properly and an even balance of hormones. On days like today, I would give anything to be able to train my mind to see the good in everything. I would give anything for positivity to simply be a choice. I would give anything to be happy and have that emotion simply because I had good quality thoughts. I would give anything to be just like you. Believing that everyone can be neurotypical just by simply changing your thoughts and training your mind is pure ignorance, close-mindedness, and selfishness.
I'd like to make something clear before we go any further. I am aware that being positive can be a choice. Plenty of people make that decision daily. I cannot make the choice to be positive, but I make the choice to see the good in some days. There are certain days where I wake up, and can immediately feel more positive than I normally do. The problem with that is that I don't wake up and tell myself I'm going to be more positive than yesterday; I wake up and just sort of feel like that. Maybe because my neurotransmitters want to fire a little better that day, or maybe because my chemicals and hormones are a little more evenly balanced that day thanks to the meds. Positive thinking does not - in ANYway - fix my neurotransmitters and it does not balance out my chemicals and hormones. Mental illness comes from three different components; scientific, mental/emotional, and spiritual. Everyone who suffers from mental illness differs, and not everyone will have all three components. Those who suffer from mental illness on a mental or emotional level without the scientific component can almost always wake up and see the good in every day. They can train their thoughts, because their neurotransmitters might fire better than others, and their hormones might be more balanced than others. I see some kind of good in every single day. But that does not mean I can choose to be positive. If for some reason I was able to choose that, what good would it do? It would get my hopes up, that's what it would be good at. I see positivity in small things throughout each day. I'm not saying I'm negative 24/7. Some people even say I’m the most positive, high functioning mental health patient they’ve ever seen. But because staying positive doesn't fix anything, I'm not going to look at every single given situation as positive. There are positive things that come out of each situation, but the situation itself is not always positive. I am not going to sit here every day and tell myself that being sexually assaulted and abused and manipulated are positive things. Quite frankly, I don't believe I could sit here and tell myself those things even if I wanted to because mental illness has me 100% convinced otherwise. Logic even has me convinced otherwise. What sane or logical person would see those things as positive events or situations? Seeing each situation as providing some positive aspects helps me more than telling myself an awful situation is positive would. In all honesty, there are some days that I wake up and I’m just like, “The world sucks today. Trauma is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced and I’d kinda like to die by the end of the day.” Other days, I’m just like, “The sky is too blue and it’s got me down because it looks so positive and happy and I can’t be that or feel that because mental illness won’t let me.”
Changing your thoughts and training your mind is something that psychotherapy is huge on. I learned a lot about it when I saw a psychotherapist throughout my four years in high school. It's actually quite an interesting concept. I don't necessarily disagree. I think that those who lack one or two of the three components of mental illness can more easily change their thoughts and train their mind. I unfortunately have all three of the components and that makes training my mind and thoughts much more difficult. I do attend therapy, but not psychotherapy. I enjoy it much better than psychotherapy because I feel like I can be much more open. I do believe that eventually, I could be able to train my mind and thoughts. That's something I look forward to in my journey with recovery. I believe that's a huge step in your recovery process, and once you are there, your recovery journey should likely be coming to an end, if you get there. The problem with mental illness and recovery is that sometimes, it doesn't go away. You could spend your entire life taking medications, going through therapy, and fighting with all your strength in your recovery process and still be on your death bed battling it. Changing your thoughts and training your mind is possible. But it is only possible if you've reached a certain point in your recovery journey and conquered the demons, as well as having fixed your neurotransmitters and balancing out your hormones with the use of medications. The catch is that there is no guarantee that you will ever reach that point.
The neurotransmitters in your brain control nearly all of your body’s functions from feeling happy, to regulating your hormones, to dealing with stress. If your neurotransmitters do not fire properly, it creates an imbalance in your hormones. Between the two, if neither function properly, it can create an impossible way to feel happy. I read this awful article that stated that thoughts affect your neurotransmitters. Basically stating that you feel down or depressed or unable to deal with stressors because your negative thought process affects your neurotransmitters, therefore, affecting your hormones. I, based on extensive amounts of research, believe it is the other way around. Here’s why.
As a child, I was literally the happiest kid to ever walk the planet. I look back on pictures, and my smile was so much brighter than it is now and I loved life. I smile just thinking about it. I kid you not when I say that one day I woke up, and everything was just different. There were circumstances that led up to it, but I, as a child, could not have prepared myself for it. Because of those stressors, my neurotransmitters began to misfire, and my hormones went out of whack. From that day forward, everything was different. I tried everything to feel happy and to enjoy life like I used to, but my neurotransmitters and hormones would not allow it. They would not allow me feel happy, no matter what I did. They would not allow me to enjoy life like I used to.
So, my friends, the happiness of my life does not depend on the quality of my thoughts. The happiness of my life depends on how well my neurotransmitters decide to fire.
But now, how could I not feel happy? I live in one of the most beautiful places God could have ever created following certain parts of Europe and all of Iceland (based on personal experience). I have a wonderful family full of love and compassion. I have a God who created me with a purpose, a purpose I pursue each time I sit down to write one of these. I have a beautiful life. Why doesn’t my life feel happy if I have good things in it?
Mental illness does this super cool thing I like to call making anything and everything in existence seem grey or black and white. Life used to be so full of color and light. Life is now in grey, sometimes in black and white, or even both on my worst days, and it’s now full of darkness with no light in sight. Despite all of the wonderful things in my life, mental illness has convinced me that it’s all the complete opposite. Because my neurotransmitters do no fire properly, my thought process has been permanently warped and permanently damaged. The only way for me to get back to the way it used to be, is to continue my usage of medications to fix my neurotransmitters and therefore balance out my hormones. From there, I can take the steps to change my thought process and get back to the mindset that I used to have. But because, scientifically, I cannot do that without my neurotransmitters firing the way they were designed to, my life could be filled with wonderful things, and it will still be as grey and black and white as can be. When my neurotransmitters fire properly, you can tell me that the happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts, because then, I would have no “excuse” as to why I’m still being a Debbie downer.
To sum up my point, just don’t say stuff like, "Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts." Please be mindful that there are people in this world who suffer from illnesses that prevent them from living the life that you do. Please be mindful that there are people in this world who suffer from illnesses that prevent them from keeping a positive mindset or having a happy life or good quality thoughts. Please be mindful that there are people in this world that would love to have the brain that you do, but cannot. They deserve love, compassion, and patience. Unfortunately, we can’t all be neurotypical like some people in society believe. The day that society begins to understand that, is the day stigma will be destroyed and buried 6 feet deep. Until then, be mindful of what you say. Be a shoulder to lean on for those who cannot think the way you’d like them to. Please understand that we are trying. We are fighting with everything inside of us to get to the point where that quote can be true. Please understand that it is not an overnight process for those of us who suffer from mental illness on a scientific level. We would give anything to be just like you, so please do not make us feel guilty for not being so.
If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or textSTART to 741-741
