In Honor of National Suicide Prevention Day

To Write Love on Her Arms is an internationally recognized advocate campaign for mental illness and suicide awareness. Each year, they have a different slogan, or campaign, for national (sometimes referred to as world or international) suicide prevention day (September 10th)/week (September 10th-16th). This year, it happens to be about staying to find out what we were each made for.

Something that I have struggled with for the last year is my purpose. I have felt like I've had no purpose for a long time, but the last year has been awful in that I just can't seem to figure out why I'm here. I feel useless and worthless in every aspect of my life. 

Suicide prevention is something that sits very close to my heart. And I'm sure many other people would say the same thing. Except the only problem I see is that 90% of the people who share posts on Facebook for NSPW, only do so during that week.

If I have learned anything in my recovery journey, it's that I cannot only have a voice one week out of the whole year. I cannot have a voice only on the day dedicated to raising awareness. If I do, I let down the thousands of people who rely on my voice to keep them going. 

I admire the people who are willing to repost those statuses on Facebook all other times of the year that include the national suicide prevention hotline, as well as the ones that talk about being willing to listen to anyone that needs to talk to help prevent suicide.

Except those don't work.

I have had countless conversations and read countless articles about how a person posting stuff like that doesn’t help someone. Most everyone struggling with suicidal ideations already know about the hotline, and the last thing people want to do when they feel like that is reach out to people. From personal experience, reaching out to people is my last instinct, and not a desire that I have. The same goes for most everyone struggling with mental illness. It doesn't matter if they've made it clear to people like me that they are there to help, I’m not going to come to them if my thoughts start getting really bad. The general population doesn't want to hear about mental illness. Therefore, I don't feel comfortable reaching out to most people during my most vulnerable times.

Let me tell you what helps people like me.

Effort. The kind of effort that includes them going out of their way to check on me, ask me how I'm doing, or simply to just ask me about my week. 

Willingness to listen to me about my mental illness. Sometimes all I need is to just talk. I just need to talk about how awful my mental illnesses are and how much I hate them. But I can't even begin to tell you how many people don't want to listen to someone like me talk about something like mental illness. It is such a taboo subject. Since starting this blog last year around this time, I have received so many messages from people letting me know that me talking about the things they don't feel like they can talk about, has given them a voice. The general population doesn't want to hear about something as uncomfortable as mental illness. It shuts people up and keeps them from talking about what needs to be talked about. But people like me can give them a voice. I can speak for them. I can let them know that I hear them, and that I'm on their side. Sometimes, making the initiative to start a conversation about mental illness is all someone needs. Saying one thing and doing another are two different things. If you're going to say you're there for someone, do it. Start the conversation yourself.

Compassion. If you can't show me empathy, at least show me sympathy. If you can't relate to me, at least let me know that you're there to listen, and you're there to support me regardless of how messed up my mind is. But you can’t just stop there. Ask me questions; engage me in a conversation about my illnesses and my struggles. If you stop at letting me know you’re there for me, you lost your chance of me talking to you about how much I’m hurting.

There are more people in this world struggling in silence than we could ever fathom. Not everyone talks about their mental illness as openly as I do. The simplest of gestures can pick someone up, without you even realizing it. At the end of almost every week, my step mom will text me to ask me how my week went. My mom will randomly text me throughout the week asking how my day was. My daddy will call me out of the blue every now and then to tell me that he misses me. My roommate will ask me if I'm okay if she notices the slightest of changes in my voice, body language, or gestures. I have several friends scattered across the states that will randomly check in with me; to see how I'm doing and let me know that they're still rooting for me after all these years. They don't necessarily have to talk about mental illness 24/7 with me, but the fact that they are willing to make the effort to check in on me, is what matters. 

That is what helps people like me. I love that people are so willing to repost stuff on Facebook, I love that they're so willing to share stuff in honor of NSPW. But none of that does anything unless you do something to back it up, at least not right now. If you just say you're there for people like me by posting a status, it means nothing unless you actually reach out to us. We feel like we're a burden to everyone around us. Somehow, we always feel like we're an inconvenience. So the last thing we're going to do is reach out to someone just because they shared the hotline. We like to see effort. We like to see that someone cares enough to go out of their way and see how we're doing. I'm much more likely to reach out to someone when I'm in a time of need if they have shown effort in the past to see how I'm doing. Suicide prevention does not start with statuses on Facebook. It starts with action. Maybe eventually those statuses will do something, or make a difference, but until people feel like they aren't a burden for reaching out, they will do nothing. People feel like a burden because they're always the ones who have to start the conversation. Sometimes we don't have the energy for something like that. Sometimes we just need someone to ask how we're doing.

My point is, what are you doing about suicide? What are you doing every single day to help prevent it? Sharing something on Facebook is great, because that means someone else is talking about what needs to be talked about. But what are you doing for the people around you? What are you doing to help them feel like they have a purpose in this life?

We’re all in this together. If we want to help prevent suicide from happening, we all have to start doing something about it. We must speak up. And not just for national suicide prevention day. We have to speak up the other 364 days of each year. We must make the effort to reach out to those around us, whether we know they’re hurting or not. Chances are 1 out of 5 people in your life struggle with some kind of mental illness in a given year, and 1 out of 25 people in your life experiences a serious mental illness in a given year that substantially interferes with or limits one or more major life activities. You probably think that’s impossible, because not that many people have come forward about their struggles. But that’s probably because you haven’t made much of an effort. And that’s nothing against you, the point of all of this is to get people thinking about the effort that suicide prevention actually takes, and for them to reevaluate what they have or have not been doing in order to do so.

For those of you struggling with any kind of mental illness or suicidal ideations, please know that you are not alone. Even if you are silent, I hear you. I hear your silence, and your cry for help. I am on your side, and I will be rooting for you until the very end. But please don’t stay silent. Please use your resources. Please speak up, and make your voice be heard. Please speak up not only for yourself, but for the people who are silent like you once were. Please try to reach out, as difficult as it may be. Start with the people who you know won't make you feel as if you're a burden. 

Hope is real. Help is real. Your story is important. Please, stay, and find what you were made for.

To view To Write Love on Her Arms' campaign video for this year's suicide prevention awareness, please click here. It is so inspiring, and might even help give you a purpose for your life. They included the lead singer from one of my favorite bands in this year's campaign, and it makes me so happy. 

If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text START to 741-741

 Image credit: Unsplash