In Light Of National Suicide Prevention Week

September is one of my favorite months of the year. Not only is fall approaching quickly, but one of best weeks to ever exist, happens to be in this particular month.

It seems that each year, National Suicide Prevention Week just gets better and better. For those of you who have not already heard, To Write Love On Her Arms is a fantastic non-profit organization that raises awareness for suicide, addiction, mental illness, and self-injury. They allow resources for those seeking recovery, as well as for those who are trying to learn how to help a loved one. I follow their blog postings and keep up with all of their updates on a daily basis. The organization has given me so much hope during some of the darkest times in my life. Each year, they choose a new, so called, 'slogan,' for NSPW. This year, it happens to be a topic that I have always been very passionate about. The campaign is titled, 'And So I Kept Living.' The concept behind it is to give reasons as to why people in the world chose to continue on living, regardless if the reason is simple. They are also encouraging those who are suffering to reach out no matter how scary it may be. 

One of the biggest problems among the mental health community is that we don't reach out. I spent years in hiding trying to pretend that everything was okay. I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems. It is approximated that 57.7 million Americans over the age of 18 suffer from mental illness. These are only the cases of people who have decided to see a doctor for their illnesses. There are thousands more in hiding, on top of the millions out of the other continents in the world. It is not guaranteed that 100% of those people will reach out to the people around them for help.

TWLOHA has reported that suicide is at a 30 year high in America this year. The numbers are astounding and heartbreaking to me. There are millions of untold and unheard stories. There are millions of people suffering right under our noses and no one seems to care as much as the mental health community would like.

Suicide is nothing to joke about. I see jokes on Facebook just about on a daily basis referring to the fact that someone should just kill themselves. Lately, it's been something along the lines of, 'You're voting for Hilary? Might as well kill yourself now.' I have to refrain myself from blocking the person out of anger for seeing that they liked something so awful. NO ONE on this planet deserves to take their own life. Not you, not your family, not your friends, not the homeless guy sitting in front of Walmart that you're tired of seeing beg for money, not the rapist sentenced to life in prison, not the serial killer on death row, not the person voting for Hilary, not the person voting for Trump, not the person that disagrees with your life choices, not the person who lives their life differently than you and you disagree with the way they do so, no one. 

For those who have never thought about ending their life on a daily basis, or for those who have never attempted to take their own life, sometimes it's hard to believe that some of those kinds of people I just mentioned don't deserve to take their own life. It's a sad thing for me to think about, because I've come to the point in my life of understanding that every single life matters. It's possible that the only people who can view it like that are those who have been suicidal. I may never know.

I spent years in the dark. It wasn't until I began taking my journey of recovery seriously, that I realized how important my life really was. It was after that, that I realized that every single person's life mattered too. I decided that I was going to use my story to help encourage those who may not be as far along in recovery as I was, or maybe not even in recovery yet. I set out to let the world know that there is hope. People need other people. We need each other. We need the people around us. We need their encouragement. I hope and pray that someday every single person will realize that their story is important and their story can be used for the good of other people. 

I used to believe that suicide was a selfish act. How could someone be so selfish to take their own life and leave their loved ones with so much pain to deal with? Suicide was never very common in my small town. So when it occurred, I was always so shocked. Until the day came that I felt their pain.

In June of 2012, I was sent to the emergency room for mental evaluation because the school faculty felt my life was in danger. My parents and step mother showed up, as well as my step sister. Now, most people would sit in that emergency room looking at their family that was feeling so much pain and think to themselves that they committed such a selfish act. For some reason, my thoughts never drifted to that. Instead, I focused on the fact that I really was hurting and I was FINALLY going to get more help and care. My family finally realized just how badly I was hurting. I took that experience and turned it into something much more positive than guilting myself about being selfish. I wasn't being selfish. Sure, I would have left them with an incredible amount of pain for the rest of their lives. But my life was important and the fact that I wanted to end it was much greater than anything on my agenda. I started thinking about all of the things I would miss out on. I thought about the day I might finally be healed if I just held on a little longer. Why would I want to miss out on that? So instead of allowing people to make me feel selfish, I focused on the fact that I needed to continue on for me. My family was part of my inspiration, but in reality, this was about me and my life. My life is precious because I'm the only one that will ever be able to live it.

There's that cliche saying, something like, 'music is life.' I wouldn't necessarily say life. But it is certainly something that gives me hope, and lots of it. One of my favorite bands to ever exist is called Tenth Avenue North. Mind you, they are a Christian band, for those of you who are not interested in that kind of music. But before you say you won't listen to them, just hear me out. Their biggest hit song is the one song that has saved my life more times than I could ever count. My very first tattoo was because of it and it's probably my favorite tattoo out of my current 4. The song is called You Are More, if you'd like to give it a listen. My point of mentioning this band though, was for their song No Man is an Island. This song goes PERFECTLY with this week's campaign. You likely wouldn't know it was a Christian song the first time you listen to it. My favorite line from this song is, 'I wish you never thought you had to go, I wish you never thought you had to leave.' I like to imagine something while listening to this song to help allow it to impact me a little bit more. I always picture my best friends hurting because I took my own life. I picture them crying out from their hurt and saying those words, as if they were speaking to me. But it was too late, because I did the unthinkable. I like to take those words and treat them as if they are my life motto, anthem, whatever you would like to call it. I like to think that if I reach out to the mental health community, those words can be more along the lines of, 'I wish you didn't feel like you need to go. I wish you never thought you should leave.' To treat a person as if it hasn't happened yet, might be enough to keep them around to see tomorrow. 

This life is so beautiful to me. There has been so much hurt, trauma, guilt, anger, and pain. But somehow, hope has slipped in through the cracks and streamed light into my life. You are a masterpiece. You are uniquely created to be the only you that has ever existed. You are one in a million. You are a work of art handcrafted to live a beautiful life. While people start speaking up this week, please remember that there is always a reason to continue on living. TWLOHA has been posting reasons to continue living from people who have submitted their own personal reasons. I strongly encourage you to take some time to visit their website or their Facebook page. In the mean time, I will add some of the things from my list to help give you some ideas and encouragement for the small reasons as to why you should stick around. For those of you who do not struggle with mental illness but know someone who does, please reach out to them. Use resources such as TWLOHA, other educational websites and/or non-profit organization sites similar to TWLOHA, or suicide prevention hotlines. 

And So I'll Keep Living...so that..

I get to hear another joke from my daddy and laugh so hard that I cry

I get to have another meaningful conversation around the dinner table with my mama and step dad

I get to hear my step mom call me her Cinderella

I can continue meeting new friends while visiting new countries

I can continue discovering new foods in a new country

I can gain another passport stamp

I can try new ice cream places in each city of a new country

I can hear my best friends tell me how proud they are of me

I can share jokes, laughter, tears, and hugs with them

I can hear another stranger's story

I can find a new favorite book

I can see the day I will be married

I can share that moment with my family and friends, but most of all, my daddy

I can continue to do things for the very first time

I can someday publish my writings

I can continue to discover new music that gives me hope

I can continue to learn more and more things about God

But most of all

I'll keep on living so that I can see the day I finally reach my destination in recovery and no longer feel as if mental illness rules my life

If you or someone you know needs support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or text START to 741-741

Image credit: Unsplash